Trigger Warning:
This post contains references to domestic abuse, manipulation, and suicidal threats by an abuser. If you are in a harmful or dangerous situation, please read with caution. You are not alone. There is help.
I finally got out.
Even now, I say that with a strange kind of disbelief—like I’m still waiting to wake up in that nightmare I used to live in.
The fear doesn’t leave you all at once. The memory of his voice—
“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself.”
“If you leave, I’ll find you.”
“If you leave, you’ll regret it.”
Those words kept me bound for far too long.
What many people don’t understand is that abuse doesn’t always show up as bruises. Sometimes it shows up as threats disguised as love, as control masked in dependency. I stayed because I was terrified someone would die—and for the longest time, I thought it would be my fault.
And in the middle of that storm, I heard a song on the radio that broke me wide open:
“God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it’s killing you
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows…”
It was “God Only Knows” by for KING & COUNTRY, and for the first time in a long time, I felt seen. Understood. Not judged.
That song opened a door in my heart that fear had shut. I started to believe—maybe God really did see me. Maybe He cared. Maybe He wasn’t disappointed in me for wanting to leave… maybe He was grieved by what I was enduring.
And then I found a passage in Scripture I had never paid attention to before:
**“And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”
— Malachi 2:13–16, KJV
God used the very word I had felt but didn’t know how to say:
Treacherously.
He saw it for what it was.
He didn’t minimize it. He didn’t spiritualize it.
He called it violence. He called it treachery.
God wasn’t angry at me for wanting to leave.
He was brokenhearted over what was happening to me.
And slowly, I began to believe that He wasn’t standing against me—He was standing with me.
So I left. I ran toward safety. Toward freedom. Toward the life God always intended for me.
No, it hasn’t been easy. Recovery is messy. Healing takes time. But I’m no longer afraid to breathe. I no longer jump at shadows. I no longer cry myself to sleep wondering if I’ll survive another day.
I am safe. I am seen. I am free.
And if you’re reading this, still in that place of fear, of control, of isolation—hear me when I say this:
You are not the problem. Abuse is.
You are not abandoned. God is near.
You are not what they say. You are who God created you to be.
You may not be ready to leave yet.
You may still be trying to survive.
But I want you to tuck this truth deep into your soul for when the time comes:
There is a kind of love that only God knows. And He wants that love for you.
You Are Not Alone – Resources for Support and Safety
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
📞 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
📱 Text START to 88788
🌐 www.thehotline.org - Crisis Text Line
📱 Text HOME to 741741
Free, 24/7 confidential support. - Focus on the Family Counseling Services
📞 1-855-771-HELP (4357)
🌐 focusonthefamily.com - StrongHearts Native Helpline
📞 1-844-762-8483
🌐 strongheartshelpline.org
You’re not alone.
You’re not crazy.
You’re not too far gone.
You’re loved.
You’re held.
And God only knows what you’ve been through—and He’s not turning away.
With grace and healing,
Michaela Noelle Grace
💜 RebuildLifeWithGrace.org
💜 Domestic Violence Help
Rebuilding Life with Grace 
Leave a comment