I remember hearing a minister preach on signs of jealousy and malicious control in men. At first, I thought the minister had to be wrong, because I had been convinced that these signs were that my spouse was protective of me.
I sat there frozen in my seat, feeling the slow unraveling of my reality. The minister spoke calmly, with compassion, but each example he gave struck a nerve. “He constantly needs to know where you are… he isolates you from your family… he twists your words to make you feel guilty… he calls it ‘love,’ but it feels more like fear.”
I had called it love too. I had believed I was being cherished—watched over—when I was really being watched, controlled, and cut off. It didn’t happen overnight. It was subtle at first: the questioning of my phone calls, the suspicion of my friendships, the discomfort I felt when sharing my dreams. But over time, the freedom I once had slowly disappeared under the weight of his “concern.”
What I didn’t know back then is that real love does not smother. It doesn’t thrive on power or fear. Real love protects, yes—but it also respects. It makes room for growth, voice, and individuality. What I was living in wasn’t protection—it was possession.
If you’re reading this and something inside you is stirring, I want to gently say: you’re not imagining it. If you feel small, silenced, or afraid in a relationship that claims to be loving, that’s worth paying attention to. You don’t owe anyone your silence. You deserve to live free, whole, and unafraid.
I know how hard it is to unlearn the lies. To believe that what you thought was care may actually be control. But healing begins with truth. And truth, though painful, is the beginning of grace.
You are not alone. There is hope. There is help. There is healing.
You’re not alone.
If you are in a relationship where you feel isolated, controlled, or unsafe, please know there is help available. You are worthy of safety, love, and peace.
Need support? Here are some trusted resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788
thehotline.org – 24/7 confidential chat and resources - DomesticShelters.org – Search for local shelters and services
- Love is Respect (for younger women/teens): loveisrespect.org
Take the next right step for your healing, however small it may be. Grace meets you right where you are.
With heart and hope,
Michaela Noelle Grace
Founder of Rebuild Life with Grace
rebuildlifewithgrace.org
Rebuilding Life with Grace 
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